There is nothing more important for parents than their children during and after the divorce period. Thousands of children each year go through depression and anxiety due to the divorce of their parents. The reaction of your children depends on the age, maturity level, personality and it depends upon you also. A smooth divorce procedure lesser the anxiety level of children. For this reason, you need to know some helpful tips that will guide you on how to make your divorce painless.
Divorce of the parents of any children can be tough. The majority of the children doesn’t want their parents to be separated and also can’t see them with any other partner. But living with a toxic person can be even worst for you.
Tips for helping your kids get through your Divorce:
The first and most important step, love them unconditionally:
Your kids may don’t show up their emotions to you but deep inside they are full of emotions and unnecessary thinking. At this time, your job is to let them know about your love and affection for them. Tell them that how much you care for them and are here for them every time. Also don’t overdo it.
Try not to behave badly with your ex in front of children:
The most important thing for completing this step is self-restraint. You don’t need to ruin your calm by fighting with a crazy person. Leaving the room is the better option rather than wasting your time with a toxic person. By this, your kids will also understand that wasting your time with the wrong person is not a good idea.
Let your children do what they want to:
Most of the children who are teenagers usually cope with problems by socializing more and more. If your children want to go out with their friends and participate in activities don’t stop them. Let them go out to enjoy their life. There is nothing wrong if they want to sleepover at a friend’s house. Once they completely move on, they will come back to their normal routine. Taking care of children is another thing and keeping an eagle eye on children is another. Poking and continuously stopping your children with anything can be annoying.
Never ever make them choose between anyone parent:
Kids have different feelings for both of their parents. In their life, both mom and dad play different and important roles. They never want any of the parents to feel bad. Also, include it in the children’s agreement. Let your lawyer know about this. This part should be clear that if one of the partners wants to spend time with the children then what should be the next step. For example, if its father day and it’s the turn of the mother to take care of children then she should let the children stay at their father’s home.
Have an open conversation with your children:
Open conversations are very important sometimes. Not all parents show and confess their love in front of children. But after divorce, your children are already much disturbed. There is nothing wrong with confessing your feelings for children. Be open with them and let them know you are here for supporting them.
Increase your attention towards them in this difficult stage:
Bad grades, working late, not getting enough sleep, spending more time outside of the home are the obvious signs that your children are not well. Being a co-parent, you should share and discuss the problems of your children with your ex-spouse and decide how you both can help your children. You can seek professional help from a therapist for relaxing the mind of your children. There are many professionals out there helping many children who are worried because of their parent’s divorce.
Build a friendly relationship with your ex:
For the good of your children, you need to build good relations with your ex-spouse or at least you can act as good friends in front of them. Friendly relations can also help you as a co-parent. Of course, it’s not easy to see again and again the person you divorced but if your children are upset, you should go for it. Plan a family dinner once in the week where all of you spend a good time together. Also go to the school parties, sports week, or parent-teacher meetings for your children. By doing this, your children will realize that nothing is changed after divorce and you all are still a family.
Don’t do fake promises and give false hopes about your relation to your children:
Giving fake promises and false hope to your children that you are your ex will reunite after sometime is wrong! These types of things only happen in Disney stories. Believing in what Disney is promoting is an act of foolishness. You need to be straightforward and share everything about your relationship with your children. It should be clear to your children that their parents are no longer together.
We understand that telling the children everything can hurt them but hiding the truth and giving false statements can hurt them more. Be realistic with them and let them know that you both are not together anymore. If they ask about the chances of uniting then tell them there are not simply. Don’t lie about anything as sooner or later they need to accept the reality. You need to keep things on track by finding an effective solution not by giving false statements.
Do not talk bad about your ex-spouse in front of your kids:
Talk by taking care of some necessary boundaries. You should know what you should say or not say in front of children. Talking shit about your ex-partner is not a headache for your children. It’s your own problem. When your children will grow up, they will understand how is right or wrong by themselves. There is no need for a long explanation in front of the school or college-going children. Let them enjoy their childhood. Also, don’t let the grandparent talking negatively about your ex-spouse in front of children. Let your children away from your fights with your ex.